32 Weeks

I went to have my 6th ultrasound of this pregnancy yesterday. My placenta has moved enough (2cm) that I will not need a c-section, so that is a praise, I think?! I know, the recovery time is supposed to be so much better and quicker with a "natural" birth, but when I think of facing those long hours of labor, the idea of a quick cut and the baby is here sounds pretty nice.
The baby was lying in a "transverse" position-- head on my right side, back curled to the top of my belly, butt on the left, so we couldn't get a look at the face. It was also hard to see anything, really, since she is starting to get crammed in there. But we found out that she is about 4 lbs, 7 oz, which isn't really a solid number. But if it is true, I'm hoping she doesn't gain much more than a half a pound a week between now and delivery.

In other news, today I took the kids to the dentist, it was N's first visit. We talked about it all morning, and then he watched E getting her teeth cleaned. He was very good during the exam. He had a serious, watchful look the entire time, but obediently opened his mouth when asked, and even smiled a couple of times. As I suspected, his intense thumb-sucking is taking a toll on the roof of his mouth and front teeth. The dentist said not to worry about it yet, and maybe after his next visit, in 6 months, try to start weaning him from his thumb. Poor N, this will be a challenging 6 months ahead for him-- new big boy bed, new baby sister, potty training, starting preschool AND having to give up his beloved thumb. Any tips on the process are welcome!

31 Weeks

Hard to believe that we are about two months away from the arrival. Two months seems like a long time, but when I look at the tobacco stained, unpainted baby room I think that it is not long enough. Each time we have had a baby there has been last minute painting and set-up in preparation for the newest family member. I guess I will find myself painting once again in the ninth month. Plus we need to move Noah out of the crib and into a bed (which we have ordered, but won't arrive for a couple more weeks). And then find and purchase dressers and book shelves for the kids' room. I am absolutely itching to get out my bin of baby clothes, launder and put them away but that will obviously be the very last step. So a lot to do in the next 9+/- weeks.

On the other side, my due date can't come quickly enough. At least when the baby is here, my sleepless nights will have a purpose, other than my middle of the night internet time. Also, I am actually excited about meeting this new little one. I know, I AM surprised at this! With E I couldn't wait, knew I would love her at first sight, the nine months couldn't pass quickly enough. With N I knew with my head that I would love him immediately, but it was hard for me to believe that I could love another child as much as I loved E. So I spent much of my pregnancy feeling a little unsure of my feelings for the baby within, and how it would all end up in the end, not as eager to meet him. As if my love were a pie, cut up and the pieces already distributed. This time I know with my head and my heart that I will love her, and already do. Thankfully, Love is not a pie.

Oh my darlin' Clementine

I have always liked them, so easy to peel, sweet, no seeds (usually).
But lately, I can not get enough of these little oranges!!
I am seriously tempted to name this baby Clementine, in honor of these cravings.

22 Weeks

I went to the Dr. today, and the visit was pretty anticlimactic. I've been waiting for this visit to give me the healthy thumbs-up. I went in, and it was the usual-- measure the belly, listen to the heartbeat. The doctor then seemed done, and asked if I had any questions. "Uh.. I've been on bedrest the last couple of weeks..." She just smiled and said, "For bleeding right? There hasn't been any more? Good, you're fine." I had to double check, "You mean I can go about my life as usual? No restrictions?" The answer was no, and she was out the door.

Well, good news, to be sure, but it seemed a little casual, unscientific. I guess I was hoping for something definitive, I don't know what exactly, but some sort of medical reassurance that my body was OK to continue normal activities.

I am thankful, though, that I feel healthy, and that the baby is fine, and that I can resume "my life". It was hard to sit back and let others do for me the past few weeks. Sure, some duties like changing dirty diapers I was glad to hand over, but I found that I missed taking care of my family. I wanted to get up in the morning and make breakfast, to clean the house, do laundry, all the mundane things that make up my day to day. I guess I didn't realize what joy it is to be able to do those things for the children, but especially for Ed. I know I have felt from time to time that I have felt that the bulk of the housework falls on me, and that I wish Ed would "do more". But being forced to sit on the couch and watch Ed get dinner ready, clean up, get the kids ready for bed, all without my help was almost painful to watch, since I knew how hard he had worked all day long, and how tired he must be. I realized how important it is for us to share the evening duties, and that we really are a team.

The baby is also getting more active. We are able to feel the kicks from the outside now, which is always cool. I am finding myself slipping into a sort of nostalgia, knowing that this pregnancy will be my last. Never again will I feel these little kicks, or carry a child of mine inside my body. I just have to remind myself of that when I am feeling tired, achy or sore. Four more months!!

20 Weeks

Ok, I have tried to write this entry 3 times now, and can't seem to capture the experience exactly right. So I am just going to put it out there...

Last Monday we had our official ultrasound, and all is well with the baby. It is healthy and strong, and growing beautifully. It was really cool to see its little legs kicking away, the individual fingers and toes, the arms, belly, and beating heart. The only concern the techinician had was the placenta which is low-lying. She said we should make an appointment in six weeks to check on it, and see if it has moved up. On the way home Ed and I were discussing the visit and I said,"Oh, I'm not worried at all about the placenta. It will be fine, it is pretty common, and won't be a problem since it will probably move up by the delivery".

Fast Forward to Friday night...

Ed and I had just finished watching a movie. Towards the end I had been experiencing a little discomfort due to increased, uh, moisture. I thought it was normal pregnancy stuff, and wasn't worried, but realized I might have to change into something dry after the movie. So as soon as the movie was over, I went up to the bathroom and discovered that it wasn't normal at all-- I was bleeding. In a shaky voice I called Ed to come, and asked him to get the phone. I called the OB and explained the situation, breaking down as I talked. Ed quickly called Cara to come watch the kids, as well as my parents to pray. I got a hold of Jess and quickly explained the situation and asked her to pray too. Even in the middle of this, I was so thankful that I could call and ask for prayer. That even though Jess and I were separated by thousands of miles she could still cry out on my behalf to the Only One who had control.

Anyway, we arrived at the hospital and after walking around trying to find a way in (all the doors are locked at night), we made it up to triage on the birthing floor. Upon arrival I discovered that the bleeding had stopped, which was a great relief, but then they hooked me up and proceeded to try to find the heartbeat of the baby. For a few heart stopping moments she couldn't find it. I clutched Ed's hands, tears streamed down my face and I just shook my head at him, thinking "It's gone. The baby is gone." Finally, it must have been a minute, even though it felt like five, the sound of a tiny galloping horse filled the room.

After that the visit proceeded normally. An exam, utrasound, bloodwork, contraction monitoring, they all confirmed that the baby was fine and we were discharged at around 1:30 am. The discharge orders were "modified bed rest" until Monday when I would see the doctor again.

Saturday and Sunday I spent most of the time in bed while Ed was "super-dad". He made a pancake breakfast, got the kids off to soccer, brought lunch home, went to the library to get me some books, made dinner, put the kids to bed, got them up and went to church. In the beginnning I was Ok with getting some extra rest, time to read, nap, etc. But that got old quickly as I heard the sounds of the kids laughing and playing downstairs, and as I felt increasingly guilty about the extra burden this had placed on Ed.

After lunch on Sunday I passed a rather large clot, and it was off to the hospital again. We dropped the kids off at my parents, and made our way up to triage. The scene was all too familiar, as they went through the monitoring and exam. Everything was fine-- no more new bleeding. They said that this was probably all due to the low lying placenta, and that I may have a few more episodes before it moves up. So I went home to continue my bed rest.

Monday I went to the OB, and everything checked out normally again. I was hoping that I would be given the green light to continue my normal activities, but that was not what the doctor ordered. So here I am. I need to continue to stay off my feet as much as possible, no cleaning, shopping, or lifting the kids for the next couple of weeks until my next visit. She did consent to let me go to WBS, since it is mostly sitting, but even now I am missing play group. It is extremely frustrating to not be able to do the things I normally do. I want to be able to do my jobs around the house, and absolutely hate putting all the work on Ed while I sit on the couch and watch. It is seriously stressing me out to have to rest, if you can believe it. So if you want to find me the next couple of weeks, I will be on my couch with my feet up, praying for that placenta to migrate up my belly.

16 Weeks

and all is well.

Thank you for everyone who has been asking. I feel like a normal person again!! It is actually hard for me to believe that I am pregnant, I feel so normal, except for this little growing bump across my middle. A few weeks ago, when I lay down my "belly" would disappear, but now there is this little hill that won't disappear, no matter how much I suck in my breath.

I can also eat again, which is a great relief. There is a lingering weird mouth taste, but chewing on some peppermint gum seems to do the trick. So Josh, Susie, we should plan a Korean restaurant night. That is, Sue, if you can stomach it?!

As for the "glow" some of you mentioned, maybe it has less to do with my being pregnant, and more to do with the much needed haircut I had last Saturday. I have been feeling so mommy-ish lately. My hair was too long, and I was well past the time when I should have colored my hair. I would look in the mirror and just look at myself in despair, wondering when I had "let myself go". I was going around in a braid or ponytail most of the time. So it was wonderful to have several inches cut off, layers added, and a fresh color to brighten my hair. Plus it was a bonus to have two hours to myself on a Saturday morning to read magazines!! It makes me think I should do this more often than twice a year...

And I have my energy back, which means I still need the occasional afternoon nap, but I can now also use that time for home improvement projects. Ed and I finished up our room and moved in last week. He had done all the spackling, priming, and painting while I just came in at the end for the trim work. So all the credit really goes to him for how great the room looks. I am ready to move onto the next bedroom, realizing that we have a six month deadline that is soon becoming five, and I am getting a little nervous about getting it all done. Maybe my nesting is kicking in a little early!




Also, Funyuns are definitely underrated as a snack food. They really do put the "Fun" into onions. I am embarrassed to admit I have devoured an entire bag in the past two days. 8 servings. Calories and fat galore, that are not benefitting the baby or me. Oh well, they sure were tasty. Time for some mint gum!!!

13 Weeks

• End of the first trimester!! Woo-hoo!!
  I have not written about the pregnancy in a couple of weeks, becasue it was more of the same old thing.
  Feeling sick, feeling tired, etc., etc.
  But now, I feel like I am turning a corner, at least mentally.
  I can tell myself that the worst is behind me, and the lingering nausea will soon pass.
  I am getting my energy back, and am feeling ready to tackle some painting jobs around the house.
  I am also looking forward to going to the hairdresser's and getting a much needed trim and color.
  On top of that, I can wear maternity clothes, and look a little pregnant, instead of just "fat".
  So things are good.
  I even think I felt the baby move, although Ed doesn't think it is possible yet.

And the results are...

No twins!!! Just one little "walnut" in there, thank the Lord!
I do not know what I would have done with twins.
I was having visions of bedrest, c-section recovery, endless bottles, no sleep, not being able to go grocery shopping, etc., etc.
It was really cool to see the heartbeat, and the little arm and leg "buds".
It's hard to believe I am 1/4 of the way done,
and in 10 more weeks I will have the "official" ultrasound, and find out if we are having a boy or girl.
I am kind of feeling boy, but we were completely surprised by N, so my feelings aren't completely reliable.
Whatever he/she is, this baby is sure giving its mama a hard time already.
I am looking forward to the golden 2nd trimester!

Week 10

Things are looking up. I feel a whole lot better in the mornings, just a mild sick feeling here and there. The trade off is that the afternoons and evenings are worse, but I am just glad that half my day I feel almost normal. And of course, it helps that as each week passes by, the end of the first trimester is that much closer.

Another bit of good news is that the OB does not think I am carrying twins. I am still going to have an ultrasound (on Thursday) to make sure, but her feeling is that there is only one in there. Ellie did say she had a dream the other night that we were having a boy and a girl, so we will see!

Food aversions are still there, but I have an odd craving for meat. Yesterday I read an article about the popularity of Italian roast pork sandwiches, and it made my mouth water. The #1 spot in Philly is DiNic's at Reading Terminal Market, and I was more than tempted to drive down there for lunch, but I wasn't sure if it was open on Labor Day. I have also been craving ribs, which is funny since I have only had them once, and wasn't that impressed by them. And my final craving is for some Korean kalbi, or short ribs. I have a great recipe for them, and have wanted to make them for dinner but I have been holding off because I want to have my parents over the next time I make them, and I'm not really up for dinner company yet. So to sum it up, I am kind of feeling like Pheobe on "Friends" when she was pregnant.

And tomorrow is E's first day of kindergarten, so I will be posting pictures and a full report.

Week 9

I am in that unfortunate pregnancy stage of looking like I am gaining weight, yet not looking pregnant yet. I am still fitting into most of my pants, though some have been put to the side until post baby. But I am definitely feeling the squeeze. Also, I am finding this body change happening a whole lot sooner this time around. Those poor stomach muscles have just given up the fight already and are letting go. All this for a baby the size of a kidney bean. I mean, I think E was an orange at least, and N probably a clementine, but a kidney bean?
It is kind of funny how the pregnancy trackers like to compare the growing baby to produce. It's like I have an ever changing fruit basket for a belly, going from a blueberry to a watermelon. I am just hoping I don't have a pair of kidney beans in there right now (which is the popular opinion).
I have my first OB visit this week, which I am looking forward to. It is kind of the first step in that inevitable march to the delivery room, picking up tempo from once a month, to every other week, and then every week. I won't be able to hear the heartbeat yet, but I am guessing I will have an early ultrasound scheduled to rule out the possibility of the above pair of beans.

Week 8

• Yes, I am still incredibly nauseous, even more so this week. I feel like I am becoming a hermit. I don't leave the house unless absolutely necessary-- we run out of milk, bread, and eggs, like some family in the middle of a snowstorm. I have missed church and playgroup as well. But I'm not depressed about it, I feel so sick I can't even think about what I am missing.
  
  But this will all pass. Everyday I just pray to get through it. And I have enough to keep me busy at this point. Peter and Erika are back. I was a little nervous about babysitting them while I felt this way, but yesterday was OK. They really occupy E and N, which gives me a little break as well. I was even able to add our neighbor friend into the mix for a couple of hours yesterday, and it was fine.
  
  So am I excited about this baby, after all this griping and moaning about how I feel? Tentatively, yes. I mean, we wanted a third, and I am looking forward to having a newborn again. It's just hard to picture what our family will look like as 5. My sister calls it going from "man to man" to "zone". I can see that. E will have to grow up, and give up her spot on a parent lap, in a parent's arms. N will definitely need more independence and to shed some of his jealousy for my time and attention. As before, I worry about letting go of my "baby" and having another take its place. I think that these are just feelings I am going to have to work through in the months to come, and not until I hold that little one will I be able to fully accept and welcome these changes.

Week 7

I knew it was coming any day, and it has arrived. That pregnancy 'symptom' that goes by the misnomer "morning sickness". If it were just in the morning, I would be able to function almost normally. But as it is, I have this underlying nausea almost all day long. Eating doesn't do much to relieve it, and certain foods just bring waves of nausea if I even think of them. I honestly don't remember feeling this badly with my first two pregnancies. With E, I had some sickness everyday, usually in the evening, but either it wasn't so bad, or I was just so happy to be pregnant that even nausea didn't slow me down. With N, I think it was a lot like with E, I don't remember feeling so sick, all the time. That ball of nausea that just rests in the back of my throat and the pit of my stomach, forcing me to look away from that bowl of ripe tomatoes, shut the refrigerator door as quickly as possible, making the act of cooking dinner an almost unbearable chore. Yet I know that if I didn't feel sick, I would be worried about the baby. Besides sensitivity to smells, morning sickness is most likely caused by the surge in the pregnancy hormone in the first months of pregnancy, so it is a very good sign that things are going as they should. Yet, the Curse of the Fall is weighing heavily on me, and I am looking forward to relief in another month or so.

Week 6

It is funny the reaction I get from some people when I tell them I am pregnant, and how far along I am. Our friends and family who have known how long we have been "trying" are immediately joyful and excited for us. Others who might not have known are happy, but then can't believe we are sharing the news so early, "Wow, we never told anyone until ______" Why is that? I could never understand the secrecy around being pregnant. The only reasons I can think of are if you are superstitious, or you just want to keep the information private, between you and your spouse, for a little while, to relish the secret. For all my children, I have felt an immediate need to share the exciting news with someone else. Especially since it was always hard to become pregnant, and I had been sharing those struggles with my close friends and family anyway, it just seemed right to share the joy as soon as we knew. As for those in our extended circle of friends, I didn't tell them right away out of social conformity-- people don't usually share this information until danger of miscarriage is past so that they don't have to go around returning good wishes with bad news if something does happen. So I waited the required 10 weeks or so, until the information became completely public. But with this one, I figured that if I miscarry, then the circle of people who know will just be a bigger circle of those who care and pray and grieve with us. I think it is less awkward to share that you've had a miscarriage to someone who knew you were pregnant, than with someone who never knew. But all of this is untried theory for me, since I have never had a miscarriage. Maybe my mind would change and I would become more cautious if I actually had to go through it. And on top of all those reasons I always feel left out when I find out a friend is 10 or 11 weeks pregnant and they didn't tell me themselves, I happened to hear it through the grapevine. Then I don't know if I am supposed to pretend I don't know, or congratulate them the next time I see them.

I have definitely ruled that my tiredness is more than ordinary, and is a result of being pregnant. I don't remember feeling like this with the other two. But memories like this fade with time, so maybe I was. I start to feel tired about midmorning, and am completely exhausted by lunch time. The kind of tired that is physically debilitating-- my head feels in a fog, my eyes burn, every moevement an extreme effort. I sometimes just get the kids their lunch and skip mine to lie on the couch while they eat. Then it is N's naptime and I collapse in bed and fall into a deep sleep for two hours that I have to pull myself out of when Noah wakes up. Then the afternoon goes pretty well until around dinner time when I start to drag again, and I am so ready to get the kids in bed so I can just lie on the couch and watch tv, and spend time withe Ed, until a respectable hour to go to bed (which is getting earlier- 9:30 last night!!). I am just thankful that the nausea has not set in yet. I know it is coming any day, but for now, the fatigue is all I need to deal with.

The Facts

1. According to Babycenter's pregnancy calculator my due date is April 4. That's right-- 3 days after N's due date, who coincidentally, ended up being born on my birthday March 28, much to my own disbelief. Especially since the first thing that came out of my mouth when I found out I was pregnant with him was,"I just hope this baby is not born on my birthday". So I am not even going to think down that road. Besides, if this baby is born at the same time-gestationally speaking- as my other two, it will be born 4 or 5 days before the due date, about March 31.

2. I made this announcement insanely early, so not only do I feel OK (for now), it will be a long, long time before I am due. Although I must admit I feel pretty tired mid-day and need a nap pretty regularly. Is this pregnancy or am I indulging more than usual because I have a good excuse?

3. Yes, we'll find out what this baby is. We didn't with the first two, and I am ready for a little change. Besides, logistically, we need to figure out bedrooms, paint colors, and all that.

4. E's response was a little underwhelming. Besides the fact that she has been praying for this for months, she didn't show much excitement to the news. "We're going to have a baby?" End of conversation. Hopefully as the time approaches, she will get into it. As for N, I haven't even bothered discussing it with him yet. Even if his mind could grasp the concept of a baby in our house, other than him, it is so far away it doesn't make sense to even go there yet.

waiting

we wait, two pink lines
reveal the secret within
expectant, we wait