"I never even picked up a racquet"

As some of you know, I have been a gym member for about 6 1/2 years. In that time I have gone through spurts of super- dedicated weight training and cardio 5 days a week (with the regular help of a real trainer), as well as months that I didn't even darken the door. Yet I have kept my membership because it is so darn cheap, and I will never get a deal like it again. Since I am not giving up my membership, I feel like I need to use it, so that usually gives me the incentive to go back if I have lapsed in my dedication. For the most part, my gym attendance falls somewhere in between the two extremes- several days a week of some combo of cardio/weights, but nothing too strenuous (this may be why I haven't actually seen any serious weight loss or change in my body in that time, sigh).

Since I am a semi-regular I notice more or less, people who are also "regulars". I usually don't engage in conversation, as I am not one to chat up perfect strangers, instead I prefer to get in, do my work out, and get out, with minimal eye-contact. After I had been going for several years, in the middle of one of my more consistent periods of exercise, one man kept smiling at me and finally introduced himself. (Now before you get any ideas, it was perfectly innocent and friendly- I call him "the Mayor" because he knew everyone and greeted everyone. I think he is at the gym every day for at least 2 hours, possibly 3, so he knows who the regulars are. After that initial introduction I would say "hi" when he was nearby, and this went on for several months. After some time we got into conversations occassionally, he told me about his kid, I told him a little about mine, I invited him to church and he said he'd come (but still hasn't).

One day we were talking and the subject of racquetball came up. I noticed him playing with different partners each week and said I didn't know how to play, but I was intrigued. He offered to play with me once a week. I was very hesitant as I am not the "athletic" type. But I finally agreed because he said it was a very good workout. We decided to play one morning a week, and for the first couple of months I was very, very bad. I missed the ball, I had very little coordination, power or direction on my hits. It was so embarrassing that I almost quit one week, but decided to do 'just one more' week, mainly because the workout really was great. I needed to consume large quantities of water throughout, I would get winded, and I also felt it in my muscles the next day. The next week I turned a corner and started to improve enough that I was encouraged to keep trying.

Up until this point I hadn't purchased a racquet, instead using the "lost" ones in the lost and found, not wanting to invest in my own until I was sure that it would "stick". After another month of modest improvement, I decided that part of my problem was that I didn't have a "feel" for my racquets. One week I was using a racquetball racquet, the next, a junior tennis racket. Not exactly great for consistency. So I went ahead and purchased my own racquet. I also got some necessary undergarments for increased support, which greatly helped in comfort while running around.

I continued to meet up with the Mayor every week, gradually getting better. All of this time we were just hitting the ball back and forth, but not playing a real game. Finally, last week the Mayor decided that I was ready. We played a short game in which I "won", but not really since we only played until 10 and I had to go before we could finish, so I just happened to be ahead. This morning we played 2 games, and although I lost both, it wasn't by much, 12-15 the first game, 14-15 the second, and I got in lots of good shots that he couldn't return. I am so excited to have found some kind of physical activity that I look forward to, something that I can honestly say has never happened, from field hockey and softball in HS to the present mixture of whatever it is I do for 20 minutes every morning. I like the challenge and the feeling of actually getting a cardio work out, without all the drudgery of running on the treadmill or elliptical. I think this sport might actually "stick". Now if only I could find another partner and add another day of the week to my schedule. I think this is the start of a better, more "in shape" version of me.

Kid in a Candy Store

You know those things that you see while shopping, and you can't seem to pass by without checking them out, and somehow rationalizing a purchase? For some it may be pocketbooks, shoes, or jewelry. I can usually walk by these things with just a small tug of longing. They don't bring on the quickened heart rate and middle of the gut ache when I spot my two main weaknesses - books and flowers.

As for books, it has to be a used book sale. I like a good book store as much as anyone else, but I don't go in for paying full price on a brand-new book. No, for me, it is the corner of the library with the stacks of used books, priced for a reasonable quarter or fifty cents. I have to really think hard about if I want it if it is as much as $1. I can't seem to resist going over to check out the selection, even though I know I have piles of books at home, both mine and the kids. I usually end up coming away with a new treasure or two, and I seem to always justify my purchases by reassuring myself that I am helping out the library.

As for my other weakness, I literally have to talk myself out of purchases. Spring time brings out my appetite for all things gardenly. I pore over catalogues, take long walks just to see what other people have and how they have planted it, and try to figure out how I can get the same effect. For this reason, going to San Diego was torturous! To see every single house planted with gorgeous, flamboyant, lush, spectacular gardens was both a treat for the eyes as well as an ache for my heart.

My own garden seemed so sad, so pathetic, in the face of these gardens of eden. How could I dare to post pictures of my own little irises and peonies,
knowing about the eye-popping beauty of lantanas, cannas, and hibiscus that are commonplace in other parts of the world? I admit, there was a little bit of embarrassment involved- that I would dare to think my common place garden was something worth sharing. But then I returned home, and there really is nothing I can do about my climate. I realized that I need to be thankful for what I have, and even if it isn't at the same level of beauty, my garden still warms my heart and brings me pleasure, like the simple sight of water droplets clinging to a grassy stem.


So I entered the season of planting and buying. Like I said, my weakness. It is very dangerous for me to enter a garden center or nursery this time of the year. Every flower seems to call me to it, and my mind spins, wondering where if I could find a place for it in my already bursting flower beds. It can get pretty expensive if I don't hold myself back. Fortunately, this year, I had a couple of budget friendly acquisitions. First, in early April I went to a plant exchange. I got together with a couple of friends, and we all brought some divided perennials. Everyone went home with a nice new selection of plants, and the best thing, it was free!


I also used birthday money towards some new baskets for the front porch, and I found a place that had gorgeous baskets for half the price of other nurseries.
I also couldn't resist these begonias!


Today I went on my annual trip to the nursery of all nurseries. It is a beautiful place, garden beds laid out with paths that show both sun gardens and shade gardens, a pond and vegetables. It has it all. The flowers are of excellent quality, which means they are a bit pricier. But I was able to get a couple of annuals using a birthday gift certificate, and spend some time getting ideas. I usually go once or twice a year, and it always feeds my soul.


I was reflecting on my love of growing things and gardens and it occurred to me that my parents picked out a perfect name for me. I think I was destined to be weak-kneed over a perfect blossom from the very start.

Retreat

Coming up on the women's retreat weekend, I was feeling a little conflicted. Two of my friends, who I look forward to rooming with every year weren't going. I have always enjoyed this time to spend with them- talking, worshipping, eating, learning together. But it was not going to happen. On the other hand, I was super excited for the speaker, Nina, she is a very dear friend from my growing up years whom I don't see very often anymore. So I signed up to go, and asked my sister, Sandy, and another friend, Anna, to room with me. It was a little hard leaving this time, since I had just returned from a weekend in San Diego with my two closest friends from high school, and I knew Ed was feeling a little overwhelmed being alone with the kids again. Also, we passed the one year anniversary of my dad's death the day after I returned from San Diego, and 2 days before I left again. I was still feeling a little shaken from all the emotions running through my mind. Yet, I was really looking forward to learning from Nina, and spending time with her.

The weather was absolutely the best I have ever seen. We always go to the same place- Harvey Cedars Bible Conference on LBI at the Jersey shore. Most years it is chilly, sometimes rainy- it is only the first weekend in May. But this year it was 85 and sunny, sunny, sunny! I really enjoyed my time with Sandy and Anna. We ate together, talked, laughed, and I was completely blessed by our time together. We just soaked in the sun and Nina's lectures.


It was absolutely the best lecture series of a retreat, in my memory. The theme was "Making straight paths in a crooked world". Nina wove in practical applications, was honest as she shared struggles from her own walk, challenged us in the way that we thought about Scripture, about our Shepherd. The best way to summarize all that Nina talked about is through a line from this song, that she shared with us,

"When my world is shaking
Heaven stands
When my heart is breaking
I never leave your hands"
-JJ Heller and Katie Herzig

In so many ways my world has been shaken, starting about 8 years ago - my family, friendships, church family, basically, my life. This weekend was such a good reminder that I am in His hands. It is a long journey ahead in this crooked world of ours, He is with me, alive in me and lives through me so that I can bless others. I have a renewed desire to pursue a knowledge of Jesus, to be a woman who knows her Saviour well.

Here are some random pictures from our weekend:

I saw this, and I asked the owner if I could take a picture of his dog- it just cracked me up

Someone found this little turtle on the walk. I took him inside the last lecture, and he became very animated midway through, trying to crawl out of my pocket, across my notebook, down my legs. I released him, although I knew the kids would have loved to see him.

and one with my sweet friend, Nina

Lost

It started off with my dad's voice, gravelly, and deep, and a second later my mom's higher voice joining in the background, both singing,

"Happy Birthday to You!
Happy Birthday to You!
Happy Birthday, dear K,
Happy Birthday to You!"

And then my dad again, "Happy Birthday, K! We love you, sweetie, we'll see you tomorrow", my mom chiming in the background, "Happy Birthday, K! We love you!", and then both of them saying "Good-bye!" and it was over.

A love note to my daughter from her grandparents. A voice mail message on my phone. Every month I would press "9" and save it, for myself, so that I wouldn't forget my father's voice, and the way my parents' voices sounded together, so different, so right.

For K, so that she would a tangible reminder of her Papi that loved her so. A Papi she would only remember through pictures and stories. A Papi she would never really know herself. I would be able to save this little piece of his love for her for when she was older, and could appreciate it.


Some months I would push "9" and listen with tears running down my face, as I felt the loss again. Wishing that it was still April 4, 2009, and that my dad was still here. Some months I would listen as I drove, and remember with a smile how he sounded, and then go on with my day, saying a quick prayer for my mom. Some months I would press "9" without listening, the pain too great, my heart too fragile.

And then it was Christmas, and somehow in all the busy-ness of the month, I didn't push "9" when I heard the reminder message, and I forgot to do it later, and I just realized about a month ago that the message was lost.

Irretrievably, irrevocably, heart breakingly, lost.

of Birthdays and such

My sister Sandy's birthday was this past week so went over to my mom's house to celebrate. Although it was a small group, but it was nice to be together, the kids running around, the adults enjoying each others' company, and lots of good food.



I can't believe that Sandy and I are 34! Could it really be 25 years ago that we celebrated her ninth birthday, the year our parents got married? In 25 years of being Sandy's sister a lot of life has happened. As children, we got along pretty well, as we shared a room and were only 9 months apart in age. Moving into adolescence proved a little tricky, and our relationship cooled for several years. Now that we are adults, we have reconnected and our lives overlap in many circles- like church, Bible study, and play group. It is such a blessing to be a part of each others' lives, to have our kids grow up playing with each other, to get to know each other on a different, adult level. Although we are not sisters by birth, the Lord brought our families together so that we became sisters through marriage, and now he has worked in our hearts and lives so that we are truly friends. I can't wait to see what the next 25 years bring!

Pancakes

Every Saturday morning we could expect two things: pancakes and chores. Thankfully, Mom fortified us with a hearty warm breakfast before putting us to work sweeping, dusting, and scrubbing. I continued the pancake tradition in our early married life, and it has changed a little as we mix it up a bit with waffles or a bacon, egg and cheese bagel sandwich. But the idea is the same- Saturday morning breakfast is different and special from the rest of the week's cold cereal fare. I have been using a variation of my mom's recipe all these years, but today I decided to try out a new pancake recipe, one I found online. They were fluffy and delicious! I think we found a new favorite!

Ingredients

• 3/4 cup milk
• 2 tablespoons white vinegar
• 1 cup all-purpose flour
• 2 tablespoons white sugar
• 1 teaspoon baking powder
• 1/2 teaspoon baking soda
• 1/2 teaspoon salt
• 1 egg
• 2 tablespoons butter, melted
• 1 tsp vanilla
  
• cooking spray

Directions

1. Combine milk with vinegar in a medium bowl and set aside for 5 minutes to "sour".
2. Combine flour, sugar, baking powder, baking soda, and salt in a large mixing bowl. Whisk egg,butter and vanilla into "soured" milk. Pour the flour mixture into the wet ingredients and whisk until lumps are gone.
3. Heat a large skillet over medium heat, and coat with cooking spray. Pour 1/4 cupfuls of batter onto the skillet, and cook until bubbles appear on the surface. Flip with a spatula, and cook until browned on the other side.

Serves 2

Say Cheese!

Many people know that I have had one big thing on my "wish list" for years- a really good camera. While our point and shoot Kodak has served us well the past 5 years, I have been itching to get some really good photos. There are many times that I have not been able to get close enough without the picture being blurry,
or if I don't use a flash it is blurry,
or my camera just didn't have the capability to take the picture that I really wanted. More recently I have had other issues with the camera- the lens cover wouldn't open, and I would have to pry it it with my nail,
or the colors came out funny- whites looked pink,
or the flash would go off and the picture would remain almost completely dark.
That is not to say that I still didn't get good shots,


I just knew that there was so much more I could do with a DSLR. So finally, after saving, and researching, and saving some more, Ed felt that we could take the plunge and purchase one for Christmas this year. So on Christmas morning, I opened up my very own Nikon D90!!

It is more than a little intimidating, with all of its dials and numbers, display screens and menus. My head is spinning from reading the manual with all the confusing language about aperture, filters, exposures and focusing. I plan to take classes to teach me how to get the most out of the camera, and look forward to learning about how to take a good picture as well as editing in photoshop. But for now, I am just trying it out and using the automatic mode, which means it is functioning as a really nice point and shoot.




Really nice.

A shocking wake-up

I woke up this morning, wandered into the bathroom, happened to glance in the mirror as I yawned... and stifled a gasp. Aaargh! My tongue was BLACK! Yes, black. I leaned in closer, sticking out my tongue to examine it, my mind racing. It looked like I had spent all night sucking on licorice. I had no idea what had caused it, "Could it be some weird fungal infection?" Other than the color, I looked, and felt healthy. I grabbed my toothbrush and took an experimental stab. It seemed to work. I added toothpaste and scrubbed my tongue for a minute before rinsing and inspecting. Phew! I breathed a sigh of relief- my tongue looked normal again, but still- what had caused this?

After dressing, I went down to my computer where Google once again came to my rescue. I typed in "I woke up with a black tongue", and to my surprise, I got an immediate hit. Several of them in fact. It seems that "black tongue" is a little known side effect of chewing on Pepto Bismol tablets before bed. There is an active ingredient in the medication that reacts with sulfur to create the black substance. I had taken a couple of tablets last night to combat some bloating, so it was obvious that the Pepto was the cause of my alarm.

On further reflection, I could have probably used this information in my "fake sick day" arsenal 20 years ago. There were several occasions when I could have used one more day for studying, or to finish a report.

At any rate, just remember this the next time you wake up with black tongue. Be reassured that you are not dying of some weird disease, or fungus- it is merely an embarrassing (and a little gross) chemical reaction in your mouth!

Soccer Saturdays

I always looked with pity those parents who were stuck on the sidelines all Saturday morning, in the rain, cold, blazing heat. I would cruise on by in my dry/warm/cool car thanking my lucky stars that I was not one of them...yet. I knew the day was coming, but I figured that maybe Ed could take over that aspect of parenting, and I could stay at home. Then E started soccer in kindergarten, and I found that I couldn't really stay in the comfort of my home in good conscience while I made my 5 year old go out and brave the elements for an hour of running. If I was going to put her through torture, the least I could do was cheer her on. And she did think it was torture, so after serving her time and putting in two years, she was allowed to move on to other pursuits while we had a blessed year of soccer free Saturdays. (Can you tell I am not a big sports fan?)

And then it was N's turn. The first few weeks were pleasant enough, with sun, moderate temperatures and our whole family went out to the field to support him. And then it started to cool down, and we had a couple of rainy Saturdays. So there I sat, that parent, huddled on the sidelines in my canvas chair, trying to shield my body as well as KK's with the umbrella, cheering for my sodden son as he chased the ball. N doesn't seem to mind the weather, and cheerfully heads out to play each Saturday. He seems to enjoy the game, so I have a feeling we have many years ahead of us. Even though I don't love the game, I love the player.

Reflections on a life

About a month ago we heard that a woman from our church, Sandy W., had breast cancer. This was a shock- she had two girls E's age, she was young, it couldn't be... yet it was. She started chemo shortly after, and we got a request at Women's Bible Study on a Wednesday morning a week and a half ago to pray- she had gone into the hospital, sick with an infection brought on by a weakened immune system. And then later, all that day and into the next, emails increasing in urgency as the news became more grim- "only surgery can save her", "it's minute by minute", "chances of survival unlikely". The shock and grief overwhelmed all who knew her, and many who didn't. The thought of this young mother being taken so suddenly from her family was unbelievable, yet true. Two days after being taken into the hospital for the infection, Sandy went home to be with Jesus. Everyone was reeling with the news, heartbroken for Dave and the girls, for ourselves. To have lost such a sweet, sincere, devoted friend.

Yesterday was the memorial service, and it was a beautiful celebration of her life, her faith and the reason we can hope- in the One who broke Death's power. The Gospel was proclaimed in that service- in her husband's words as he told of how the Lord has been working in his heart in the time since Sandy died, in the pastor's words as he talked on the passage in Mark where Jesus calmed the storm, and in her friends' words as they gave remembrances of her life and how she quietly lived out her faith in being a wife, mother, daughter and friend. She poured herself into her family and friendships, pursuing relationships, and loving those people well.

It was a challenge to me- to make the most of each day as God brings people into my life. Starting with my family- to love my husband and children, and for me that means supporting Ed in his job, listening to his worries, bearing his burdens with him, creating a home that welcomes him when he returns each night, encouraging him in his faith; spending time playing with the kids, reading to them, doing crafts, listening to them, praying for their hearts. To love my mom, sisters and brother, and friends- reach out to them, call, be invested in their lives, and above all, pray for them. This is only possible if Jesus is my #1 relationship. I need to spend time each day with Him, to make that a priority, and only then can I live out my life as an offering to him. It is something I have known, but Sandy's service reminded me of how the Lord has called me to live, and the importance of what he has called me to do and who he wants me to be. Sandy used the gifts the Lord gave her to bless others, and honor Him. By God's grace, I can do the same.

a little explanation for my absence

A couple of hours ago I woke up, unable to sleep, with thoughts churning about so many different things, and I decided to finally write about it, as that sometimes helps.

I know I have neglected this blog all summer. Although we have been doing many things that I would document with pictures and think- "Oh, I should blog about this", or I had thoughts about my kids that I considered blogging about, I kind of just...didn't. It may have something to do with me being a little bit lazy, but I think it has more to do with me right now.

I have been feeling almost frozen, like I don't have the motivation to do anything. I go through each day kind of feeling overwhelmed. And it isn't like I am doing much or have an extra load of responsibility. I have actually turned down several opportunities to serve this year, because I just don't feel up to it. And the one thing I have committed to (writing questions for Woman's Bible Study) I haven't been able to bring myself to sit down and do. And my questions are due next month for my first lesson. And it is scaring me to death. Yet I still procrastinate.

I am also feeling very tender right now, with emotions close to the surface, and a ball of tension inside my chest. Each day, some more than others, I feel like I am carrying this weight in me, a sadness that I can't shake. On the outside I seem to be doing well, as I interact with my kids, smile, laugh, and have true moments of joy. Yet it sometimes feels likes such an effort, and I wonder how long it will take me to shake this. There are several changes happening socially this fall- and I am finding those especially hard to deal with. Change is not a good thing right now, it is not my friend.

And all of this can probably be traced back to the Big Change in our family this past spring. Grief is this life-sucking force that is kind of taking me by surprise. I knew I would be sad at times, but I just didn't know that it would be like this. I feel like the seed for grief was planted when we lost Dad, but now the roots are making their way deep inside me, and the loss is just becoming a part of who I am. I know it is something I will have to work through, and even let myself experience. It is a painful process that kind of reminds me of one of my kids' favorite books We're Going On a Bear Hunt. As the family in the story encounters several obstacles, they chant "We can't go over it, we can't go under it, Oh No! We have to go through it!" And that is what I have to do. I have to just go through it. As each challenge stands in my way, I need to cling to Jesus and face it. Let myself feel sad, overwhelmed, angry, but also remind myself that there is Someone walking beside me through it all. I am thankful for that comfort, but also the comfort of my friends as they have encouraged me in big ways and little. Friends who have called, written notes, sent emails, just to let me know that they continue to pray for me. Even though I haven't revealed all that is on my mind to any one person, I have given pieces of my story to different people, and it has been helpful to be able to process with someone else. So if you are one of those friends, thank-you. The road is easier when there are others who choose to walk it with you.

Spring Ahead!

It's March, and I've got the itch- the gardening itch. I always feel a sense of anticipation and excitement this time of year as spring feels like it is literally around the next corner. I can smell it in the air, and see evidence of its imminent arrival. Like these little crocus tips poking through the snow by our front walkway. Through the cold weeks of winter, I have warmed myself by spending hours poring over gardening catalogues, and online gardening websites. I have made lists of what new plants I want to purchase, and mentally envisioned where I will plant them. Today I was thrilled to discover Costco selling bags of tubers and bulbs. The bright pictures of flowering glads, dahlias and peonies were too tempting to pass up, and I had to hold myself back from buying more. It will still be several weeks before I can go outside and start the real gardening work, but I thought I would try to force some forsythia. After about a week inside they are just about to bloom, and I will soon get my first taste of spring. Just a little appetizer, before the feast.

Date Night

After a particularly busy Christmas season. Ed turned to me one day and asked when our next date night would be. I said,"Well, first you have to ask me out, and then I will schedule it in". Although I was kind of joking, I kind of wasn't. Our weekends tend to fill up with activities at an alarming rate. First off, Fridays are always taken by our C-Group that meets in our home. Sundays are usually low key, since it is a school night. And so that means Saturdays are the nights that we invite other families over for dinner, or to plan a family movie night, or to go to someone else's house. December was completely crazy, with some nights being double and even triple booked. It has slowed down a bit, but Ed asked me back in early January when we could have a date night, and this was the first possible weekend.

It is something that is long in coming. I am a little embarrassed to admit that the last time we went out without the kids was Ed's birthday...in June. I don't think we even celebrated our anniversary this year! We also have some movie tickets we wanted to use at the local theater that we received for Christmas...in 2007. Yes, it is sad- we don't get out much, as a couple. I could probably count on 1 hand the amount of times that we have paid a babysitter so that we could go out by ourselves, since Ellie was born. We have gone out other times- when family has babysat, and we have also had plenty of babysitters who watched our kids when C-Group wasn't at our house, or for other functions when children were not welcome. It is just something that we have not made a priority, and maybe a little bit because I feel a little guilty spending money on dinner/movie and a sitter. It makes for an expensive night. But when your husband has to ask you out a month in advance, it is time to make the time. So tonight we will leave our children in a teenager's capable hands(!) as we go out to dinner (!!) and a movie(!!!). I am quite looking forward to it, and only hope that we can find something to talk about-- other than the kids!

Remember the mashed potato recipe I shared? Well, I also sent it into a contest at Wondertime magazine. They had an article in which their columnist shared her favorite recipes, and challenged the readers to beat them. I decided to take her up on her challenge. ..and I won!! I can't really claim credit for the actual recipe, because it was my grandmother's, but it made me proud to win on her behalf. It also made my family proud, as many sent emails to me saying how it brought tears to their eyes to think of Yai's recipe winning.

Working it out

I have always hated exercise. In high school running laps for practice, as well as sprints was something I endured, but never enjoyed. Once I got to college, it only took a semester "off" for me to realize that I needed to get my butt up and start running laps again. So I went to the indoor track, and forced myself to get back in shape again, which was great until summer vacation came, and I slacked off again. Ever since then I have had and on-off relationship with physical fitness. I will go to a gym, or start running, and be pretty faithful for a few months until one morning I decide not to get up, and that turns into two mornings, and well, I've already missed half of a week, so why bother? I tell myself I'll start again "next monday," but inevitably I don't and I am off the routine and not motivated to get back into it. Until of course, the pounds start to creep back on, and I feel fat and decide I need to start again. Throw in few pregnancies where I feel entitled to gain weight, and not exercise until the baby is at least 6 months old (and then I am desperate to get it off), and you get a pretty good picture of my regimen.

But I have to say I am proud of myself. Last March I decided that enough was enough, and I needed to start a pattern for a lifetime of fitness. I set up a routine that would work, with accountability built in. I asked a neighbor friend to join me at 6 am to go for a 1/2 hour walk every day (with the weekends and rainy days off). It worked with my schedule, because I got back in time to take a shower before the kids woke up, and I didn't have to work it into my daily schedule of playgroups, shopping, errands, Bible Study, and babysitting. Also because I had someone I knew who would be waiting for me each morning, it forced me out of bed, even when I would have rather turned off the alarm and slept for another hour until the kids woke up. It was hard in the beginning, to get up extra early, but we soon grew to really enjoy the time we could spend together talking, all while getting exercise!

And so it went until mid October. It was starting to get pretty cold and dark in the morning, and I realized I needed a change. In addition to not wanting to walk in mid winter with below freezing temperatures and bone-chilling wind, I wanted to step up the activity a bit. So I regretfully told my friend that I would be going to the gym instead. I dusted off my inactive gym membership and went back, for the first time in a year and a half.

It was hard in the beginning, and it was all I could do to stay on the elliptical machine for a half an hour. My face would be beet red, and I would be breathing heavily when I was done. But gradually, my body adjusted, and I decided to throw in some weights as well. Now I go and do the machine for 25 minutes, and then spend 15-20 minutes lifting weights before heading home. I would like to spend longer, but I only have about 45 minutes because the kids wake up around 7, and I prefer to be showered and dressed by the time they get up. I definitely miss the fellowship aspect of my previous routine, as working out in a gym can be a pretty solitary experience. But for now, this is the right thing for me. I can't say I actually enjoy the exercise, because I still don't like feeling uncomfortable and stretching my limits physically, but I like the way I feel afterwards. I feel strong and fit, and also awake. This has been a great benefit of waking up early to exercise. Before, I would wake up whenever the kids started making noise, and I would feel tired and kind of draggy as I got their breakfast, and wouldn't fully feel myself until I showered and dressed an hour later. Now that I have been up for an hour by the time they wake up, I feel ready to start the day. My mood is improved, and I move quickly through the morning routines. I am reminded of this on the weekends when I let myself sleep in until they wake up, and I just don't feel right.

So, although it has totally been against my nature, I am finally, for the first time in my life exercising regularly. I can't say I have noticed a huge change in my body, but I know that I am more fit, even if the numbers on the scale haven't moved. Of course I would like to drop another 10 pounds ideally, but I think it will take more than what I am doing right now, and I'm not ready for that yet. I am just hoping that a year from now I can write and rejoice that I am still in the routine!

Eb and Floe

It sure is hard facing a blank page when I haven't blogged in a awhile. It is part of the reason that keeps me away-- the intimidation of what to write, what is "worthy" or interesting, how to explain my absence? But really, I have no excuse other than I go through periods of dry spells when I don't feel like blogging, and I don't read anyone else's blogs either. Then I start to feel guilty for neglecting it, and I think about entries, yet still don't have the inclination to write. But finally the pressure builds, like the water behind an ice floe clogging a river. And when it breaks through, it sends the floe down, along with a torrent of pent-up water. As for me, I re enter the blogging world and put forth several entries in quick succession. So, here is the breaking of the floe.

Just some thoughts...

When I read a couple of months ago how my county, in my state, was "ground zero" for the Presidential race, I thought it was a bit presumptuous. But since then, I have heard more and more about how the way we vote will be a good indicator of the election results. Then I listened to TAL today, and it was a show that focused on PA as a battleground state. (I am just sorry I didn't know Ira Glass was camped out in PA- I would have liked to have gone to a rally he attended, just to meet him!)

I haven't been too vocal in this political race, either privately or publically. I also don't usually like putting up signs, in order to keep our political views to ourselves. But slowly, our street has been overtaken with Obama signs, and the last straw was when our Dutch neighbors who can't even vote put one up! I went out yesterday and got a McCain/Palin sign and stuck it out front. And I'm not even that strong of a McCain supporter. I know, this will shock and surprise my poor husband. Yes, I like McCain, but Obama has been pretty convincing as well.

I hear that Obama is losing his lead in this race, something I never thought would happen, after his speech at the Democratic Convention. It all just makes me wonder how this will turn out next week-- I think this race is a lot closer than most people expected. I am excited to know that in this election my vote does count, and that vote is gong to McCain (I think).

A lucky mistake

It had been a long day, with every minute taken up by one thing or another. Dinner was rushed, with me forcing E to finish her beets, under the harshly spoken threat of missing Pioneer Girls. She tearfully choked them down, and we were out the door, racing to church. On the way there I warned E that she would be walking in late because she had taken so long to eat. On arriving at church, we discovered that it was a non-meeting week, so I muttered under my breath things like,"I can't believe we drove all the way out here for nothing!", while E walked quietly back to the car with me.

I usually shop at Trader Joe's during this time, so E asked if I was still planning on going. I said I had been planning to just go home so that she could go to bed. A second passed, then a little voice, " But won't I still get back home sooner than if I had gone to Pioneer Girls?". I laughed at her reasoning skills, and agreed. We headed to TJ's. At the checkout counter E proudly handed them her coloring page, and received two fruit leathers and a balloon in return.

On the drive home she chattered happily about a story she was planning on writing. As we approached a Starbucks I impulsively turned in, and E asked where we were. I helped her out of the car, and said," I think we need a little something to warm us up". We went in and ordered hot chocolate and a cookie before heading upstairs to the seating area. As we sipped and nibbled, we talked quietly. E seriously munching away, feeling the specialness of this unexpected treat, "Mommy, isn't it so dark outside?" Me just watching her and reveling in this little blessing of mine. I had been so cross with her earlier, and she hadn't said a word against me. Instead her sweet little self had "saved" the evening. Instead of returning home in a bigger funk than I had left it, I was cheered and my bad mood had evaporated. I had been given an evening out with my daughter, and one-on-one time that I usually don't get with her. Time to listen to her concerns about friendships at school as well as laugh over her story, " The Day the Elephant Went to School". The Lord is good, to have given me this gift, even though I did not deserve it.

Tag, I'm it

I guess Judy thinks I need some motivation to do some more blogging, but she tagged me with this meme.

7 Random things...

1. I get addicted to online games really easily. For awhile, I was playing spider solitaire every chance I got. Now I am onto the Facebook application game, PackRat. I got an invitation from a friend months ago, and kind of avoided it because I know my weaknesses. But I didn't delete it because it did say "the most addictive game on Facebook", and if was that good, I knew I would want to try it sometime. Kind of like someone who is trying to quit smoking might hide a pack at the way back of their closet, just in case they wanted "just one" more. So anyway, I finally clicked on the link, and I am hooked. Incidentally, my friend stopped playing, so I don't even get the benefit of playing with her anymore. I have to brave the world of the packrats alone, without a friend to help me with getting feats(are you feeling bad yet, friend?).

2. I am from a blended family. My mom married my dad when I was in 4th grade. Surprisingly, we all kind of look similar even though half of us have Asian blood. Everyone always wants to know who is related to who, so here it is : Me, Cara, and Andrew are bio-sibs; Christine, Julie, Katherine and Sandy are my step-sisters.

3. I like to sleep with my ears covered. When I was a teenager I was permanently scarred after seeing Throw Momma From the Train. There is a scene in there where the mother gets stabbed in the ear with scissors by her son. Ever since then, I have felt very vulnerable when lying down with my ears all exposed to those crazy scissor-wielding psychopaths. So I sleep with a t-shirt over my ears, because, as we all know, scissors can not penetrate something as hard and impermeable as a t-shirt.

4. I like to eat my popcorn with brewer's yeast sprinkled on top. When we were little we would only get this treat when we were on the island with my health-foodie aunt. But we loved it, and it still conjures up images of rainy afternoons in the cabin, eating popcorn while watching a storm come across the lake. It is definitely an acquired taste if you are an adult, but I now only make that kind of popcorn, since Ed doesn't eat popcorn anymore, so I have brought the kids over to the brewer's yeast side. They get very excited about eating the popcorn with the "Brew-cheese" and fight over who gets to lick their fingers and eat up the crumbs on the bottom of the bowl. I get my own bowl.

5. I have recurring dreams about bathrooms and teeth (separate dreams). In my dreams the bathrooms are always disgustingly dirty, and I really have to go. So I wander around trying to use a bathroom, and never being able to because they are so gross. I usually wake up from these dreams with a full bladder. The other dreams involving teeth are always so real. My teeth are falling out, or have fallen out, or I am trying to push them back in. I usually think, "Man! I always have a dream about this, but it's never happened in real life!" Of course I wake up with a great sense of relief, after making sure that my teeth are still solidly rooted in my gums.

6. Speaking of teeth, I have all my teeth that have fallen out/ been pulled in a jar. Baby ones, cute. Wisdom teeth, not so much.

7. I do not like to share my food. This definitely needs some clarifying. It is popular in my circle of women friends to order a couple different things for dessert, in which everyone has a few bites. I no longer take part in these communal dessert dishes. For many years I would cringe inwardly while taking my allotted spoonful of tiramisu, but no longer! I asserted myself for the first time at a recent Girls' Night.
The plates started passing, with everyone declaring, "Oh this is so good" and "MMM!" but when they came to me I just passed it to the left.
"You don't want any?" I was asked.
"Oh, that's ok, I'm not too into the sharing thing", I admitted.
All eyes turned to me, wide with incredulity "What?" "Are you serious?" "Why not?"
"Oh, you know, I would prefer my own plate that no one has dipped their fork into"
"But we don't double dip! " came the protests.
But they don't wash off their forks between samples either. They might as well be taking two bites from the same dessert. I didn't say that, but I did tell them that even as a small child I was grossed out when my mom would lick the drips off my little sister's ice cream cone. I told them not to take it personally, I don't even like eating something my own children have taken bites out of. They still couldn't believe me, and tease me every time we go out. But I don't care, I am freed from bending to the peer pressure of sharing. If I want dessert I will order it for myself, and please don't ask me for a taste!

And that is probably TMI about me!

I am not going to tag anyone, but if you are interested in doing this meme because you love memes, or have some really weird things you must share with the world, go ahead and do it, then let me know!

Before and After

First off, thank you for all the dieting support-- I have been doing really well. I think the first day was the hardest. Once I got some snacks that could tide me over, I was fine. I also found a lunch that I really like, and that I would eat, even if I weren't trying to lose weight. Jess had suggested that I take 1 slice of jarlsburg lite (Trader Joe's), 2 slices of turkey, and put it in 1/2 whole wheat pita with a little light mayo. I don't really like pita, so I found some whole grain tortillas with rolled oats and flax seeds at TJ's and used that instead. I also added a couple leaves of lettuce and then myself a wrap. The whole thing is about 230 calories, and delicious! So between that and the eggs for breakfast, and a morning snack of edamame, I was only at 450 calories by lunch. I then snacked on carrots and popcorn in the afternoon, and had a smaller portion of dinner than usual. I found that I wasn't really that hungry, and I would just pop a couple more carrots if I was. And for a little treat, these were awesome:
They are light and crispy, and have a very chocolately flavor that totally satisfies that craving with only a few. The serving size is 13 (110 calories), but I never ate more than 8 a day- a couple at a time, spread out in the afternoon when I needed something sweet (Thanks again, Jess for the tip!)


Anyway, the end result is that I reached my goal- 5 pounds! And if you think that title was talking about before and after shots of my mummy tummy, you've got to be kidding me! Yes, I feel like I lost a little, but I am not able to post that kind of photo yet, nor will I ever be.

I actually was talking about some yard work I did today. There is a corner of our house that we haven't gotten to in the past couple months because of our busyness. I thought I would tackle it today, since the weather was so cooperative (a cool 65 degrees). It is amazing what an hour of weeding and mulching (12 wheelbarrows full) will do:

Before:

After: