Week 7

I knew it was coming any day, and it has arrived. That pregnancy 'symptom' that goes by the misnomer "morning sickness". If it were just in the morning, I would be able to function almost normally. But as it is, I have this underlying nausea almost all day long. Eating doesn't do much to relieve it, and certain foods just bring waves of nausea if I even think of them. I honestly don't remember feeling this badly with my first two pregnancies. With E, I had some sickness everyday, usually in the evening, but either it wasn't so bad, or I was just so happy to be pregnant that even nausea didn't slow me down. With N, I think it was a lot like with E, I don't remember feeling so sick, all the time. That ball of nausea that just rests in the back of my throat and the pit of my stomach, forcing me to look away from that bowl of ripe tomatoes, shut the refrigerator door as quickly as possible, making the act of cooking dinner an almost unbearable chore. Yet I know that if I didn't feel sick, I would be worried about the baby. Besides sensitivity to smells, morning sickness is most likely caused by the surge in the pregnancy hormone in the first months of pregnancy, so it is a very good sign that things are going as they should. Yet, the Curse of the Fall is weighing heavily on me, and I am looking forward to relief in another month or so.

Another successful surgery

• Today N had another ear tube surgery. One of the original tubes from last year had fallen out and he has had several ear infections as a result. So today he had the tubes put in again. We arrived at the CHOP specialty care center around 7:40 am. Since he wasn't allowed to eat or drink before the surgery, I was thankful for this early arrival time. We were checked in, and although N was a little nervous in the beginning, wanting to be held, he soon became comfortable and sat on the bed by himself. The nurses were wonderful, gentle and kind, and quickly put him at ease. We watched "Elmo in Grouchland" while we waited for his turn, and for the relaxation medication to kick in. N was completely relaxed by the time they carried away, and he went without a protest although he still clutched tightly to 'baby'. I barely had time to drink a cup of coffee before I was called back to be with him while he awoke in recovery. He was fast asleep, and I sat and read a book for about 15 minutes until he woke up, calmly stretching and reaching for me. He was fascinated by the pulse-ox on his big toe and didn't want it taken off. He also loved the slurpee they gave him as we left and he sucked away contentedly on the way home. I am so thankful for how well it went, and am looking forward to another infection-free winter.
  
  Getting ready to go
  
  
  The pulse-ox on his toe
  
  
  Sleeping in recovery
  

Week 6

It is funny the reaction I get from some people when I tell them I am pregnant, and how far along I am. Our friends and family who have known how long we have been "trying" are immediately joyful and excited for us. Others who might not have known are happy, but then can't believe we are sharing the news so early, "Wow, we never told anyone until ______" Why is that? I could never understand the secrecy around being pregnant. The only reasons I can think of are if you are superstitious, or you just want to keep the information private, between you and your spouse, for a little while, to relish the secret. For all my children, I have felt an immediate need to share the exciting news with someone else. Especially since it was always hard to become pregnant, and I had been sharing those struggles with my close friends and family anyway, it just seemed right to share the joy as soon as we knew. As for those in our extended circle of friends, I didn't tell them right away out of social conformity-- people don't usually share this information until danger of miscarriage is past so that they don't have to go around returning good wishes with bad news if something does happen. So I waited the required 10 weeks or so, until the information became completely public. But with this one, I figured that if I miscarry, then the circle of people who know will just be a bigger circle of those who care and pray and grieve with us. I think it is less awkward to share that you've had a miscarriage to someone who knew you were pregnant, than with someone who never knew. But all of this is untried theory for me, since I have never had a miscarriage. Maybe my mind would change and I would become more cautious if I actually had to go through it. And on top of all those reasons I always feel left out when I find out a friend is 10 or 11 weeks pregnant and they didn't tell me themselves, I happened to hear it through the grapevine. Then I don't know if I am supposed to pretend I don't know, or congratulate them the next time I see them.

I have definitely ruled that my tiredness is more than ordinary, and is a result of being pregnant. I don't remember feeling like this with the other two. But memories like this fade with time, so maybe I was. I start to feel tired about midmorning, and am completely exhausted by lunch time. The kind of tired that is physically debilitating-- my head feels in a fog, my eyes burn, every moevement an extreme effort. I sometimes just get the kids their lunch and skip mine to lie on the couch while they eat. Then it is N's naptime and I collapse in bed and fall into a deep sleep for two hours that I have to pull myself out of when Noah wakes up. Then the afternoon goes pretty well until around dinner time when I start to drag again, and I am so ready to get the kids in bed so I can just lie on the couch and watch tv, and spend time withe Ed, until a respectable hour to go to bed (which is getting earlier- 9:30 last night!!). I am just thankful that the nausea has not set in yet. I know it is coming any day, but for now, the fatigue is all I need to deal with.

The Facts

1. According to Babycenter's pregnancy calculator my due date is April 4. That's right-- 3 days after N's due date, who coincidentally, ended up being born on my birthday March 28, much to my own disbelief. Especially since the first thing that came out of my mouth when I found out I was pregnant with him was,"I just hope this baby is not born on my birthday". So I am not even going to think down that road. Besides, if this baby is born at the same time-gestationally speaking- as my other two, it will be born 4 or 5 days before the due date, about March 31.

2. I made this announcement insanely early, so not only do I feel OK (for now), it will be a long, long time before I am due. Although I must admit I feel pretty tired mid-day and need a nap pretty regularly. Is this pregnancy or am I indulging more than usual because I have a good excuse?

3. Yes, we'll find out what this baby is. We didn't with the first two, and I am ready for a little change. Besides, logistically, we need to figure out bedrooms, paint colors, and all that.

4. E's response was a little underwhelming. Besides the fact that she has been praying for this for months, she didn't show much excitement to the news. "We're going to have a baby?" End of conversation. Hopefully as the time approaches, she will get into it. As for N, I haven't even bothered discussing it with him yet. Even if his mind could grasp the concept of a baby in our house, other than him, it is so far away it doesn't make sense to even go there yet.

waiting

we wait, two pink lines
reveal the secret within
expectant, we wait

Island Fun

We just returned from our yearly vacation in NH. We were on the island with Cara (who rode up and back with us), and the Lowery family (Katherine, Rusty, TJ, and Teagan). It was a lot of fun, and exactly what I needed... family time with my sisters who I don't usually see on a regular basis (even though Cara now lives around the corner), great long stretches of quiet reading, playing with my kids in the lake and on the sand, and playing Rummy 500 every night after the kids had gone to bed. It might sound funny, but one of my personal highlights of the trip was taking a little trip down to Portsmouth to shop at the Hanna Andersson outlet, a store I have been wanting to go to for years. Another benefit was that some of our cousins live in Portsmouth, so we had lunch with them and caught up a bit. E loved fishing and also really did well in the water, swimming underwater for a few strokes at a time. N liked going in the boat "Boat, Fas-ser?!" (faster) he asked everytime we got ready to go to town. He also liked playing with TJ, who is 4 months older. It is always a little sad when we leave, knowing that it will be another year before we return, but I am also glad to get back to modern conveniences like bathroooms, washing machines, and dishwashers.

E fishing on the dock

10 Years

The time has passed so quickly, especially since we've had children. Looking back, it feels like a blink, but the girl I see in those pictures is someone different. From another time and place.
I tried to find a picture from our wedding day, but our album is impossibly buried somewhere in a box. So this will have to do until I uncover it.