Seperation Anxiety

This weekend is the Women's Retreat. I haven't gone in 2 years (last year I was still trying to make it through the day on minimal sleep with a newborn). I am definitely looking forward to it-- time to myself, waking up when I am ready--not because of a crying baby, hanging out with friends, not cooking or planning meals, catching up on some reading, etc. But as with everything, there is a flip side. I feel slightly guilty about leaving Ed to shoulder the child care this weekend, although I know he will do a great job. I know I will miss E and she will miss me, but she will be fine, and can also understand where I am and that I will return.

So that leaves N. I feel a little sick when I think too hard about leaving him. I have never been apart from him for more than a few hours-- I think 6 or 7 at the most. But mainly, what makes me sad is that Saturday will be the first day he will not nurse (and Friday the last day). Weaning E at 14 months was very difficult (for me, not as much for her), and I said to myself that the next baby I would nurse for about 18 months. But after we get through this weekend, the hard part will be over, and I can't see myself picking it up again on Monday morning. A month ago he was nursing 4 times a day, and I have gotten it down to one, the first thing in the morning. When he wakes up, I go in and get him and then we snuggle up on the couch together with the blanket over us. I watch the morning news and sometimes E wakes up then and joins us under the blanket, cuddling close to both of us. It is a chance for all of us to wake up slowly, spend some quiet time together before the hustle and bustle of the day begins, and I will truly miss it. Because once he is weaned, he is going to need his breakfast immediately. I am going to have to get him up and place him directly in his high chair and get breakfast ready. It's hard to believe that the time has come to say good-bye to that part of his babyhood. We only have 2 sweet mornings left before the next stage...

Ellie's Gallery

E loves art. Her favorite thing to do is crafts--drawing, coloring, beads, gluing, cutting, and especially painting (because it is so rare). If she had her way, she would do them all day long. Unfortunately, I can't, so she resorts to the craft cupboard where she has a stash of supplies. Here are a couple of her more recent pictures. Sorry about the quality of some of them-- the scanner and computer didn't really translate them well.

January 2005- Thank-you note for birthday gifts

March 2005 (she had an obsession with drawing ladders--note the one in the last flower)

April 10, 2005 N, Mommy, and E with Holly and "monkey table"--("I know we don't have a monkey table, but I just wanted to draw one")

April 10, 2005 ( on the back of the last picture) A house, 4 flowers, cake ("It's the flowers' birthday"), and 2 tall palm like trees

April 2005 Cheetah and Dumbo

April 2005 E in the rain with Hello Kitty umbrella (note the 2 lone raindrops in upper right hand corner)

April 2005 E with sun, moon, and stars

Starstruck

Last week I went to see Catherine Newman at the Philadelphia Barnes and Noble. She writes a weekly journal ( http://parentcenter.babycenter.com/ben ). I have been reading it for the past 3 years, and although I don't always agree with her, I always enjoy reading what she writes. So I brought Susie along to help with directions, and for moral support, and we got to hear Catherine read excerpts from her new book, and then have her sign a copy. I was so excited-- it was like meeting a celebrity that I admire, but better, because I got to talk to her and ask questions. It was definitely a highlight in my relatively normal life!

My Puppies

N crawls around the house like a little puppy(which is understandable, since he is a baby) . But here's the twist-- he likes to carry objects in his mouth from room to room, mostly E's discarded socks.

E, on the other hand, is more deliberate. She will crawl around panting and barking, scratch her ears with her feet, and beg for "treats". Today as she ate lunch she said, "Mommy, I wish I could be a puppy for real". I asked why. Her response? "Then I could pee outside."

Spring Day

Today was a perfect spring day in April. Sunny, breezy, in the 50's. Especially nice after the downpour we had this past weekend.

E has been looking forward to gardening all winter, so I decided that during the babies' morning nap we would go outside and get a start on cleaning up the flower beds in preparation for planting. I got all the tools ready-- shears, spade, trash bag, bubbles, and toy car (the kind the kids can ride in). Then I brought the kids out. For the first ten minutes, as I hacked away at the old iris stalks and ivy that was covering my front garden bed, E and Peter happily(?) took turns riding the car up and down the sidewalk. Although, when it was Peter's turn, he couldn't quite get the hang of propelling himself forward, so E pushed him until a crack in the sidewalk stopped them, and then she left him to his own devices to come "help" me. Peter sat in the car beeping the little horn saying "Turn this way, turn that way, turn this way...". Meanwhile I had moved on to digging out the rocks that border the garden and relaying them. E put on her gloves and started to dig with me. She was entranced with the worms and dug around in the soft dirt to find them. " Look at this one Mommy- he's fat, is he?... Aww, here's a baby...There's a other one, and a other one... Wow there are a lot of worms!!" We also turned over a rock that was covering up a salamander, disturbing his winter hibernation. We made sure we buried it in a safe corner "Mommy, that sawaman said,'Where did my rock go?'. But now he's sweeping again, right?"

It was about now that our peaceful, happy morning turned a corner. Ellie then took a break from digging to go over to Peter who had discovered the bubbles. "Moommy!"

"Yes, E?"

" I want to blow bubbles too"

"There are two wands, a blue one and a red one. Get the red one and use it."

30 seconds later...

"No, Peter, No. You are spilling it!"

Peter, was indeed, indadvertantly dumping all the bubbles onto the sidewalk as he blew the bubbles. So I took the bottle from him and let E hold it.

30 seconds later...

"Peter you blow the bubbles and I'll pop them." Bubble bottle was again given back to Peter.

30 seconds later...

"Mommy!"

"What?"

"There aren't any bubbles left! Peter spilled them all!"

"Oh well, that's too bad. There are more in the house for next time."

By this time I was pretty much done with the border. E helped me replace the last rocks and we moved up to the back yard where I started seeding and fertilizing the grass. E and Peter played with a tennis ball they found, although this quickly deteriorated as well. "Peter, stand over there. Over there! Now throw the ball back to me! Peter, throw the ball! Mommy, Peter isn't sharing the ball" I told her that they had to work it out, and that she couldn't be too bossy. The next thing I knew, E had disappeared. Peter and I went to search for her.

"E, where are you?" Silence."E, you need to answer Mommy when I call."

"I'm over here" We found her on the side of the house clutching the ball to herself. When she saw Peter she said, "NOO! I want to be by myself, and play by myself". I decided to leave her alone, and gave Peter something else to do, "Come on, you can help me sweep". Of course E heard that and came back around the side. The next thing I heard was crying on the porch steps.

"Mommy, I don't want to play with the ball anymore. I want to help sweep! I put the ball on the porch. I don't want it." I explained that right now Peter has the broom, she can have a turn when he is done. She was still unhappy, but fortunately, for her, Peter soon abandoned the broom and E ran to pick it up. The next couple of minutes were spent sweeping up, and although I would have liked to clean out some more beds, it was clear that the children were hungry and irritible (or at least E), and the babies were due to wake up any minute. So I cleaned up all the supplies and we headed indoors to lunch and t.v. Thus ended our first spring day in the garden.

Happy Birthday to Me

So I am 30 today. I got a call from my mom wishing me a happy birthday, and she asked if it "felt" like my birthday. I realized that it hasn't felt like my birthday since high school. When I think of how a birthday should feel, I think back to my growing up years, and I remember waking up and coming down to a special breakfast of donuts. The whole family was gathered around the table and a pile of gifts next to my plate. We'd eat, and then I'd open up my presents before going off to school. We have many family pictures of those mornings, everyone with crazy "bed head", and the birthday child holding up a present with a big grin.

This morning was different, but still nice. Ed went to work a little later so that we could all go out to breakfast together. It was a treat to be able to spend a little extra time with him before the day started. The rest of the day has been pretty normal-- running errands, taking care of the children.

All day long I have been thinking about last year, and what I was going through. How I was having pretty strong contractions by now, and was getting ready to go to the hospital. I guess it's safe to say, I'd rather be spending my birthday this year running errands than giving birth.

It's funny having a child share your birthday with you. It's almost like I feel bad about celebrating my birthday because I am cutting in on his birthday. I know we'll eventually work out a system, but we're still trying to figure it out. Tonight at dinner we'll give him his presents.

Happy 1st Birthday Noah!

Our N is one. A year ago he was this little 8 pound baby who ate every two hours, fussed for a couple of hours every night, and just watched the world through bright newborn eyes. Through the year he learned to smile, sleep through the night, play with toys, laugh, play peek-a-boo, eat food, drink from a cup, sit up, roll over, and crawl. He traveled to Grove City PA, Pine Beach NJ, Wolfboro NH, Ventura CA, Washington D.C., and Harpers Ferry West Virginia.

Today he is a happy, healthy, 20 pound, 28 inch, little guy. He has 4 teeth that he loves to show off with a wide grin that lights up his whole face. His main vocalizations are either screams "Aaaah!" when he wants our attention or wants to contribute to a conversation at dinner, or "Dis?" and "Dat?" as he points. He loves to eat, and gets very excited when I am preparing his meals. His all time favorite thing, though, is his thumb. He has literally sucked it raw. It doesn't seem to bother him, and he sucks it throughout the day, but especially when he is sad, uncertain, or tired.

We had his birthday party on Saturday, and N enjoyed himself immensely. He smushed his fingers through the cake, and sucked off the icing. He was so excited with the brightly wrapped presents, and spent lots of time crawling in and out of the box. As we ate, he charmed all the guests with big smiles.

We are so thankful to the Lord for giving us this little life to love. He is such a blessing to us in so many ways, it's hard to believe he's only been a part of our family for a year. I am looking forward to seeing how he grows and changes in this next year.