Bad Vibes

5 minutes ago....

I was down in the laundry room cleaning out a paintbrush when I noticed an unfamiliar windbreaker on the floor. I asked Ed where it had come from, and he said he found it in the corner behind our freezer, and had wondered if it were mine. As I answered him, saying that I had never seen it before, I picked up the jacket to inspect it further. It obviously had something in the front pocket so I unzipped it and pulled out a lighter, and... "What's that?" Ed asked.
"Um," I replied, as I picked up the cylindrical object and examined it to try to figure out what it was.
"Is it a flashlight?" Ed said, as he grabbed it from me.
Well, it was a metallic purple color, and it did have batteries, which I had discovered while unscrewing the top. But strangely, there was no light part. At that instant we both realized what it was, and Ed dropped it like a hot potato,"Aaaghh!" while I was left fumbling with it, trying to stuff the batteries back in and screw the lid back on. I then went to the sink and scrubbed my hands under hot water for the next five minutes, using lots of soap. I then threw in a splash of bleach for good measure (I was in the laundry room) and went back to scrubbing.
Just our luck, while other people find piles of coins in their homes, we find this.

Eeeewww. That is all I can say. Eeeewww.