"Do Self"

Those are the two words most likely to be heard from N. He has just started to be really vocal in asserting his independence. High on the list of things he needs to do by himself are opening the door, climbing in and out of his car seat and chair at the table, putting on his boots, carrying the milk from the fridge to the counter (and back), and taking off his jacket. If he is determined to "do self!" it is nearly impossible to do it for him without a tantrum on his part. I know that it is necessary for him to go through this, and that the only way he will learn to do these things well IS to do them himself, but sometimes my patience runs thin. If we are running late, and he has insisted on getting himself out the front door and down the walk (stopping to swing on the railing, roll in the leaves, look up at the trees, etc.), you will find me impatiently calling,"Come on N, let's go!" Which of course causes him to stop cold in his tracks, stare at me with a mischievous grin, before turning around back toward the house. At this point I start walking toward him saying, "N, you need to obey Mommy and come right now!". This only spurs him on, as he leads me on a little chase back up the path. I catch him, and carry him to the car seat where I struggle to buckle this octopus of a child into his car seat, as he arches his back and wails,"DO SELF! DO SELF!!"

And this is just one moment, in a day of many moments like this. He is my 'Dr. Jekyll, Mr. Hyde'. One minute he is sunny, agreeable, trying to make us laugh. The next he is red faced, screaming and disagreeable. And you don't always know what will set him off. I feel like he is that little girl in the poem about the curl--

There was a little girl, who had a little curl,
right in the middle of her forehead
And when she was good, she was very, very good,
and when she was bad, she was horrid"

Yes, that about sums it up.

22 Weeks

I went to the Dr. today, and the visit was pretty anticlimactic. I've been waiting for this visit to give me the healthy thumbs-up. I went in, and it was the usual-- measure the belly, listen to the heartbeat. The doctor then seemed done, and asked if I had any questions. "Uh.. I've been on bedrest the last couple of weeks..." She just smiled and said, "For bleeding right? There hasn't been any more? Good, you're fine." I had to double check, "You mean I can go about my life as usual? No restrictions?" The answer was no, and she was out the door.

Well, good news, to be sure, but it seemed a little casual, unscientific. I guess I was hoping for something definitive, I don't know what exactly, but some sort of medical reassurance that my body was OK to continue normal activities.

I am thankful, though, that I feel healthy, and that the baby is fine, and that I can resume "my life". It was hard to sit back and let others do for me the past few weeks. Sure, some duties like changing dirty diapers I was glad to hand over, but I found that I missed taking care of my family. I wanted to get up in the morning and make breakfast, to clean the house, do laundry, all the mundane things that make up my day to day. I guess I didn't realize what joy it is to be able to do those things for the children, but especially for Ed. I know I have felt from time to time that I have felt that the bulk of the housework falls on me, and that I wish Ed would "do more". But being forced to sit on the couch and watch Ed get dinner ready, clean up, get the kids ready for bed, all without my help was almost painful to watch, since I knew how hard he had worked all day long, and how tired he must be. I realized how important it is for us to share the evening duties, and that we really are a team.

The baby is also getting more active. We are able to feel the kicks from the outside now, which is always cool. I am finding myself slipping into a sort of nostalgia, knowing that this pregnancy will be my last. Never again will I feel these little kicks, or carry a child of mine inside my body. I just have to remind myself of that when I am feeling tired, achy or sore. Four more months!!

A Picture of the Girls

You know fall is here when

there are bags of apples in the fridge, and bright orange pumpkins on the porch.



This has become my favorite season of the year. The bright colors, cool nights, warm days, blue skies, and the seasonal activities. We have formed a couple of traditions since the children have been born. One of them is to go apple picking, which we did last weekend with our mini-church. As an extra bonus, my sisters and their families also joined us. We have been enjoying apple pie, apple sauce, and just plain, crispy apples since then.

Yesterday after church we first went to brunch and then to the pumpkin patch with Ed's family. In addition to the fun of finding our own pumpkins, there is a fall festival of sorts at the patch. The kids loved the pony and wagon rides, but I think their favorite part was listening to the band and jumping along, across, and over the hay bale seats.



Joe, (Elijah), Sandy, Rusty, (Teagan), Katherine, (TJ), Cara, Me,(N), Ed, E

20 Weeks

Ok, I have tried to write this entry 3 times now, and can't seem to capture the experience exactly right. So I am just going to put it out there...

Last Monday we had our official ultrasound, and all is well with the baby. It is healthy and strong, and growing beautifully. It was really cool to see its little legs kicking away, the individual fingers and toes, the arms, belly, and beating heart. The only concern the techinician had was the placenta which is low-lying. She said we should make an appointment in six weeks to check on it, and see if it has moved up. On the way home Ed and I were discussing the visit and I said,"Oh, I'm not worried at all about the placenta. It will be fine, it is pretty common, and won't be a problem since it will probably move up by the delivery".

Fast Forward to Friday night...

Ed and I had just finished watching a movie. Towards the end I had been experiencing a little discomfort due to increased, uh, moisture. I thought it was normal pregnancy stuff, and wasn't worried, but realized I might have to change into something dry after the movie. So as soon as the movie was over, I went up to the bathroom and discovered that it wasn't normal at all-- I was bleeding. In a shaky voice I called Ed to come, and asked him to get the phone. I called the OB and explained the situation, breaking down as I talked. Ed quickly called Cara to come watch the kids, as well as my parents to pray. I got a hold of Jess and quickly explained the situation and asked her to pray too. Even in the middle of this, I was so thankful that I could call and ask for prayer. That even though Jess and I were separated by thousands of miles she could still cry out on my behalf to the Only One who had control.

Anyway, we arrived at the hospital and after walking around trying to find a way in (all the doors are locked at night), we made it up to triage on the birthing floor. Upon arrival I discovered that the bleeding had stopped, which was a great relief, but then they hooked me up and proceeded to try to find the heartbeat of the baby. For a few heart stopping moments she couldn't find it. I clutched Ed's hands, tears streamed down my face and I just shook my head at him, thinking "It's gone. The baby is gone." Finally, it must have been a minute, even though it felt like five, the sound of a tiny galloping horse filled the room.

After that the visit proceeded normally. An exam, utrasound, bloodwork, contraction monitoring, they all confirmed that the baby was fine and we were discharged at around 1:30 am. The discharge orders were "modified bed rest" until Monday when I would see the doctor again.

Saturday and Sunday I spent most of the time in bed while Ed was "super-dad". He made a pancake breakfast, got the kids off to soccer, brought lunch home, went to the library to get me some books, made dinner, put the kids to bed, got them up and went to church. In the beginnning I was Ok with getting some extra rest, time to read, nap, etc. But that got old quickly as I heard the sounds of the kids laughing and playing downstairs, and as I felt increasingly guilty about the extra burden this had placed on Ed.

After lunch on Sunday I passed a rather large clot, and it was off to the hospital again. We dropped the kids off at my parents, and made our way up to triage. The scene was all too familiar, as they went through the monitoring and exam. Everything was fine-- no more new bleeding. They said that this was probably all due to the low lying placenta, and that I may have a few more episodes before it moves up. So I went home to continue my bed rest.

Monday I went to the OB, and everything checked out normally again. I was hoping that I would be given the green light to continue my normal activities, but that was not what the doctor ordered. So here I am. I need to continue to stay off my feet as much as possible, no cleaning, shopping, or lifting the kids for the next couple of weeks until my next visit. She did consent to let me go to WBS, since it is mostly sitting, but even now I am missing play group. It is extremely frustrating to not be able to do the things I normally do. I want to be able to do my jobs around the house, and absolutely hate putting all the work on Ed while I sit on the couch and watch. It is seriously stressing me out to have to rest, if you can believe it. So if you want to find me the next couple of weeks, I will be on my couch with my feet up, praying for that placenta to migrate up my belly.

Halloween 06

Here are some pictures from the festivities.

PLAYGROUP PARTY




THE DRAGON AND THE PRINCESS







THE HAUL