Wednesday, August 24, 2005

Two Week Cycle

Once again we are caught up in the the two week cycle. Anyone who has had difficulty in conceiving knows all too well what this is. There are approximately 2 weeks from when a woman is fertile in which you hold your breath and wait... am I pregnant? Did it work this time?...until you realize that no, not yet. Then another 2 weeks passes from that date when you are fertile once more. And so it goes, the weeks stretch into months, the months pass- 3 months, 6 months, 9 months ("I should be having a baby right now"), one year, etc. For E it took us 1 1/2 years before we conceived. The waiting was agonizing, brutal. We had tests done, and took drugs, nothing was discovered-both good news and bad, nothing broken, nothing to fix, just the unknown "why?". Finally, joyfully, we had our baby, a beautiful girl. Then two years later, it started again. This time the wait wasn't as long (1 year), or as agonizing (we were busy keeping up with our toddler, and had the assurance of one healthy pregnancy). And so, in time, we were blessed with our N. Now it starts again. I almost feel guilty trying to have another child, we have been so blessed with our two-- is it selfish to want another? To ask God to bless our family once more. I know I don't deserve it. Yet here we are, at the start of our third journey into parenting. Our hands outstretched, asking God for another miracle.

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