Week 9

I am in that unfortunate pregnancy stage of looking like I am gaining weight, yet not looking pregnant yet. I am still fitting into most of my pants, though some have been put to the side until post baby. But I am definitely feeling the squeeze. Also, I am finding this body change happening a whole lot sooner this time around. Those poor stomach muscles have just given up the fight already and are letting go. All this for a baby the size of a kidney bean. I mean, I think E was an orange at least, and N probably a clementine, but a kidney bean?
It is kind of funny how the pregnancy trackers like to compare the growing baby to produce. It's like I have an ever changing fruit basket for a belly, going from a blueberry to a watermelon. I am just hoping I don't have a pair of kidney beans in there right now (which is the popular opinion).
I have my first OB visit this week, which I am looking forward to. It is kind of the first step in that inevitable march to the delivery room, picking up tempo from once a month, to every other week, and then every week. I won't be able to hear the heartbeat yet, but I am guessing I will have an early ultrasound scheduled to rule out the possibility of the above pair of beans.

Gap-toothed Girl

Last night over dinner, E's tooth was literally hanging by one corner. She was having trouble chewing, but when we tugged on the tooth, there was a little twinge, so she didn't want us to pull it. She even got a little teary-eyed at the prospect of losing it. So we said she could "keep" her tooth for one last night, and that today it would come out. This morning I couldn't stand to see it dangling any more, so I asked her if I could pull it out for her. She agreed, and bravely let me take a little pull, and Pop! It was out. She was quite fine about it coming out, and has enjoyed drinking beverages through a straw in the gap. Tonight the tooth fairy will visit our house again!!

Week 8

• Yes, I am still incredibly nauseous, even more so this week. I feel like I am becoming a hermit. I don't leave the house unless absolutely necessary-- we run out of milk, bread, and eggs, like some family in the middle of a snowstorm. I have missed church and playgroup as well. But I'm not depressed about it, I feel so sick I can't even think about what I am missing.
  
  But this will all pass. Everyday I just pray to get through it. And I have enough to keep me busy at this point. Peter and Erika are back. I was a little nervous about babysitting them while I felt this way, but yesterday was OK. They really occupy E and N, which gives me a little break as well. I was even able to add our neighbor friend into the mix for a couple of hours yesterday, and it was fine.
  
  So am I excited about this baby, after all this griping and moaning about how I feel? Tentatively, yes. I mean, we wanted a third, and I am looking forward to having a newborn again. It's just hard to picture what our family will look like as 5. My sister calls it going from "man to man" to "zone". I can see that. E will have to grow up, and give up her spot on a parent lap, in a parent's arms. N will definitely need more independence and to shed some of his jealousy for my time and attention. As before, I worry about letting go of my "baby" and having another take its place. I think that these are just feelings I am going to have to work through in the months to come, and not until I hold that little one will I be able to fully accept and welcome these changes.

First Tooth for the Tooth Fairy

A couple of weeks ago E went to the dentist, and came home with the announcement that she had two loose teeth. I couldn't believe it, I thought she wouldn't have any teeth fall out until first grade. Well, she has been wiggling those teeth and today one popped out. It's so funny to see her little smile with a gap-- my baby girl is growing up!!



It will be interesting how long it takes for her to figure out who the Tooth Fairy is. We recently had a conversation that went like this.
"Mommy, I think that the tooth fairy is a person"
"You do?"
"Yes, because fairies aren't real"
"Yes, you're right, fairies are imaginary."
"I think a person comes into the house through the window because all the doors are locked, and takes the tooth."
"Well, I can tell you that isn't how it happens."
"Then how does it happen? Do you know?"
"Yes, but I am going to let you figure it out."
"But I want you to tell me now!"
"I promise I will tell you if you don't figure it out after you lose a few of your teeth."

And she seemed satisfied with that, for now.

Week 7

I knew it was coming any day, and it has arrived. That pregnancy 'symptom' that goes by the misnomer "morning sickness". If it were just in the morning, I would be able to function almost normally. But as it is, I have this underlying nausea almost all day long. Eating doesn't do much to relieve it, and certain foods just bring waves of nausea if I even think of them. I honestly don't remember feeling this badly with my first two pregnancies. With E, I had some sickness everyday, usually in the evening, but either it wasn't so bad, or I was just so happy to be pregnant that even nausea didn't slow me down. With N, I think it was a lot like with E, I don't remember feeling so sick, all the time. That ball of nausea that just rests in the back of my throat and the pit of my stomach, forcing me to look away from that bowl of ripe tomatoes, shut the refrigerator door as quickly as possible, making the act of cooking dinner an almost unbearable chore. Yet I know that if I didn't feel sick, I would be worried about the baby. Besides sensitivity to smells, morning sickness is most likely caused by the surge in the pregnancy hormone in the first months of pregnancy, so it is a very good sign that things are going as they should. Yet, the Curse of the Fall is weighing heavily on me, and I am looking forward to relief in another month or so.

Another successful surgery

• Today N had another ear tube surgery. One of the original tubes from last year had fallen out and he has had several ear infections as a result. So today he had the tubes put in again. We arrived at the CHOP specialty care center around 7:40 am. Since he wasn't allowed to eat or drink before the surgery, I was thankful for this early arrival time. We were checked in, and although N was a little nervous in the beginning, wanting to be held, he soon became comfortable and sat on the bed by himself. The nurses were wonderful, gentle and kind, and quickly put him at ease. We watched "Elmo in Grouchland" while we waited for his turn, and for the relaxation medication to kick in. N was completely relaxed by the time they carried away, and he went without a protest although he still clutched tightly to 'baby'. I barely had time to drink a cup of coffee before I was called back to be with him while he awoke in recovery. He was fast asleep, and I sat and read a book for about 15 minutes until he woke up, calmly stretching and reaching for me. He was fascinated by the pulse-ox on his big toe and didn't want it taken off. He also loved the slurpee they gave him as we left and he sucked away contentedly on the way home. I am so thankful for how well it went, and am looking forward to another infection-free winter.
  
  Getting ready to go
  
  
  The pulse-ox on his toe
  
  
  Sleeping in recovery
  

Week 6

It is funny the reaction I get from some people when I tell them I am pregnant, and how far along I am. Our friends and family who have known how long we have been "trying" are immediately joyful and excited for us. Others who might not have known are happy, but then can't believe we are sharing the news so early, "Wow, we never told anyone until ______" Why is that? I could never understand the secrecy around being pregnant. The only reasons I can think of are if you are superstitious, or you just want to keep the information private, between you and your spouse, for a little while, to relish the secret. For all my children, I have felt an immediate need to share the exciting news with someone else. Especially since it was always hard to become pregnant, and I had been sharing those struggles with my close friends and family anyway, it just seemed right to share the joy as soon as we knew. As for those in our extended circle of friends, I didn't tell them right away out of social conformity-- people don't usually share this information until danger of miscarriage is past so that they don't have to go around returning good wishes with bad news if something does happen. So I waited the required 10 weeks or so, until the information became completely public. But with this one, I figured that if I miscarry, then the circle of people who know will just be a bigger circle of those who care and pray and grieve with us. I think it is less awkward to share that you've had a miscarriage to someone who knew you were pregnant, than with someone who never knew. But all of this is untried theory for me, since I have never had a miscarriage. Maybe my mind would change and I would become more cautious if I actually had to go through it. And on top of all those reasons I always feel left out when I find out a friend is 10 or 11 weeks pregnant and they didn't tell me themselves, I happened to hear it through the grapevine. Then I don't know if I am supposed to pretend I don't know, or congratulate them the next time I see them.

I have definitely ruled that my tiredness is more than ordinary, and is a result of being pregnant. I don't remember feeling like this with the other two. But memories like this fade with time, so maybe I was. I start to feel tired about midmorning, and am completely exhausted by lunch time. The kind of tired that is physically debilitating-- my head feels in a fog, my eyes burn, every moevement an extreme effort. I sometimes just get the kids their lunch and skip mine to lie on the couch while they eat. Then it is N's naptime and I collapse in bed and fall into a deep sleep for two hours that I have to pull myself out of when Noah wakes up. Then the afternoon goes pretty well until around dinner time when I start to drag again, and I am so ready to get the kids in bed so I can just lie on the couch and watch tv, and spend time withe Ed, until a respectable hour to go to bed (which is getting earlier- 9:30 last night!!). I am just thankful that the nausea has not set in yet. I know it is coming any day, but for now, the fatigue is all I need to deal with.