Monday, August 7, 2006

Week 6

It is funny the reaction I get from some people when I tell them I am pregnant, and how far along I am. Our friends and family who have known how long we have been "trying" are immediately joyful and excited for us. Others who might not have known are happy, but then can't believe we are sharing the news so early, "Wow, we never told anyone until ______" Why is that? I could never understand the secrecy around being pregnant. The only reasons I can think of are if you are superstitious, or you just want to keep the information private, between you and your spouse, for a little while, to relish the secret. For all my children, I have felt an immediate need to share the exciting news with someone else. Especially since it was always hard to become pregnant, and I had been sharing those struggles with my close friends and family anyway, it just seemed right to share the joy as soon as we knew. As for those in our extended circle of friends, I didn't tell them right away out of social conformity-- people don't usually share this information until danger of miscarriage is past so that they don't have to go around returning good wishes with bad news if something does happen. So I waited the required 10 weeks or so, until the information became completely public. But with this one, I figured that if I miscarry, then the circle of people who know will just be a bigger circle of those who care and pray and grieve with us. I think it is less awkward to share that you've had a miscarriage to someone who knew you were pregnant, than with someone who never knew. But all of this is untried theory for me, since I have never had a miscarriage. Maybe my mind would change and I would become more cautious if I actually had to go through it. And on top of all those reasons I always feel left out when I find out a friend is 10 or 11 weeks pregnant and they didn't tell me themselves, I happened to hear it through the grapevine. Then I don't know if I am supposed to pretend I don't know, or congratulate them the next time I see them.

I have definitely ruled that my tiredness is more than ordinary, and is a result of being pregnant. I don't remember feeling like this with the other two. But memories like this fade with time, so maybe I was. I start to feel tired about midmorning, and am completely exhausted by lunch time. The kind of tired that is physically debilitating-- my head feels in a fog, my eyes burn, every moevement an extreme effort. I sometimes just get the kids their lunch and skip mine to lie on the couch while they eat. Then it is N's naptime and I collapse in bed and fall into a deep sleep for two hours that I have to pull myself out of when Noah wakes up. Then the afternoon goes pretty well until around dinner time when I start to drag again, and I am so ready to get the kids in bed so I can just lie on the couch and watch tv, and spend time withe Ed, until a respectable hour to go to bed (which is getting earlier- 9:30 last night!!). I am just thankful that the nausea has not set in yet. I know it is coming any day, but for now, the fatigue is all I need to deal with.

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