Week 8

• Yes, I am still incredibly nauseous, even more so this week. I feel like I am becoming a hermit. I don't leave the house unless absolutely necessary-- we run out of milk, bread, and eggs, like some family in the middle of a snowstorm. I have missed church and playgroup as well. But I'm not depressed about it, I feel so sick I can't even think about what I am missing.
  
  But this will all pass. Everyday I just pray to get through it. And I have enough to keep me busy at this point. Peter and Erika are back. I was a little nervous about babysitting them while I felt this way, but yesterday was OK. They really occupy E and N, which gives me a little break as well. I was even able to add our neighbor friend into the mix for a couple of hours yesterday, and it was fine.
  
  So am I excited about this baby, after all this griping and moaning about how I feel? Tentatively, yes. I mean, we wanted a third, and I am looking forward to having a newborn again. It's just hard to picture what our family will look like as 5. My sister calls it going from "man to man" to "zone". I can see that. E will have to grow up, and give up her spot on a parent lap, in a parent's arms. N will definitely need more independence and to shed some of his jealousy for my time and attention. As before, I worry about letting go of my "baby" and having another take its place. I think that these are just feelings I am going to have to work through in the months to come, and not until I hold that little one will I be able to fully accept and welcome these changes.